Man's Best Friend
I have contemplated on writing this post for awhile, but haven't been able to find the right time. This is something that has been weighing heavy on my heart since January 31, 2018. Loss is tough, but it is inevitable in all aspects of life unfortunately.
Saying Hello
In 2014, while on patrol, I came across a black lab puppy on the side of the road. He was the sweetest little guy and he somehow got out of his kennel. I snapped a picture of it and sent it to my boyfriend [now husband, Tony] at the time and jokingly asked if I could bring him home. Of course I got the "Absolutely not" reply. I found the little guys home and dropped him off. When I got home that night, Tony asked me where the puppy was and told me he was just kidding with his text. So... the search began for a puppy. When I moved in, Tony already had a basset hound named Blu. After a couple of searches, I came across a Craigslist ad for black lab puppies for $100. The owner said there were a few that had deposits put down on them, but nobody ever showed up to get them so he kept their deposits and discounted the price. I was SO EXCITED to get a puppy of my own. Tony left me a note telling me to get the runt of the litter. I picked out the smallest little girl that was available and Tony ended up picking her up a few days later since I was held over at work due to a crash. When I got home, it was like love at first sight when I met Lucy. She was the cutest little puppy and I was so excited to teach her new tricks and go for walks.
3 Years
Life with a new puppy was definitely not easy, no wonder my parents always said "NO!" to getting a puppy.. haha. Lack of sleep, shredded toys, half eaten remote controls, chewed up shoes, and the list goes on. This girl stole my heart and there was nothing better than coming home to her greeting me at the door. She, of course, grew way too fast! Blu wasn't so sure about her at first, but he eventually warmed up to her and they became inseparable. From car rides to walks, swimming in the lake to playing fetch, and everything in between.. she loved it all. She was a very healthy and active dog, which made it that much more fun as a dog mama. Lucy was one of those dogs that knew when something wasn't quite right or when we were sick, she would cuddle up on the couch and not leave our sides. When I was diagnosed with PCOS (anxiety is a wonderful symptom), she had a way of keeping me calm. She was always by my side whether it was going for a walk, working on the computer, sleeping, lounging at the cabin, etc... she was ALWAYS there. Almost like a shadow. Whenever I had a crummy day, she'd somehow cheer me up when I got home. She was there when Tony proposed. She was there for birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and every other holiday. She was there when I suffered a severe concussion. She was there when I brought my wedding dress home. She was there when we got married and she was there when we got home from our honeymoon in Florida. Lucy was the keeper of my secrets and my best friend. She was more than "just a dog"... she was MY dog.
Out of Character
Since the day we brought Lucy home, she never peed in the house. Ever. She did awesome with potty training and she was smarter than the average dog, in my opinion. In January 2018, I woke up one morning and Tony told me that Lucy had peed on the floor during the night. This was definitely not like her and I wrote it off as just an accident. The next morning, same thing. After a few days in a row, I knew something wasn't right. Instantly had a terrible feeling that something very serious was wrong. Peeing on the floor was way way out of character for her. I had planned to take her to the vet during the week, but on one Saturday something told me I needed to take her in as soon as possible. I called Tony crying and told him that I knew it was something bad and that I couldn't lose her. I couldn't lose my best friend and the one thing that could calm my nerves no matter what. He assured me it would be fine and told me to take her in. I took her in and the vet said "Kudos to you and Tony. Lucy is a very healthy 3 year old. Let's do a urine test to see if it's a UTI. I'd be surprised if it was something more serious than that." A week or so went by and the doctor called to tell us her urine was concentrated, which may or may not be a bad thing. She had been drinking a lot more than usual, which could be the culprit. But then again, why was she suddenly drinking so much more? A few more days went by and one morning I noted that she had peed on the couch... twice. Now I KNEW something definitely wasn't right. I immediately called Tony and he told me he would make another vet appointment.
The Results
Tuesday, January 30... I took Lucy to the vet a second time. When Tony called, he told them that we wanted blood work and X-rays done to see what was going on. My mom happened to be at our house that day and I left work early to take Lucy in. It was a different doctor than the previous visit, but I had seen her before with Lucy so I knew we were in good hands. I opted to do the blood work and said we could move forward with other tests depending on how that looked. Lucy was calm and never left my side. I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong. I texted Tony while waiting for the blood results and told him the game plan. He told me to do whatever we needed to do in order to find answers. When the doctor came out and told me she wanted to talk to me in the consultation room, my heart sank. I had come to this vet for 3 years and had never, ever had to go in this room. She told me that the blood work was not good. Her white cell counts and platelet counts were way off. Her calcium was elevated and other counts were also off. At this point, everything was a blur. I heard her talking, but I wasn't processing it. Cancer.. infection.. bone marrow.. kidney failure. The crazy part was that as soon as she started giving me the bad news, Lucy tried jumping up to give me a hug (something that she had never done before, ever). Lucy tried to do this repeatedly as tears ran down my face. I lost it. How the hell was I suppose to say goodbye to my best friend? I called my mom in tears and she came to the vet to sit with me until Tony could get there to help me make some very tough decisions. When Tony showed up, the vet started explaining everything to him and Lucy tried giving him hugs. It was in that moment that I knew it was her way of telling us that it was okay. Almost as if Lucy knew that she was sick and that she needed to go; she needed us to know that it was okay. We opted to do imaging to see if there were any tumors or other masses. Later that night, Tony's phone rang. I remember asking "Is it bad? It's bad isn't it?" as tears rolled town my cheeks. My husband is not one to cry so when his eyes filled with tears and he managed to say "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. We'll know more tomorrow though." I grabbed Lucy, squeezed her, and repeatedly told her how sorry I was. I was sorry that I couldn't help; I was sorry that she was sick; I was sorry that I didn't catch it sooner; I was sorry that I let her down. She was always there for me and in a way, I felt like I was letting her down.
Saying Goodbye
January 31, 2018. This day makes me want to throw up whenever I think about it. The vet called Tony to tell him that they had found a mass in Lucy's chest area, they were going to send it in for further testing to determine what exactly it was. The vet told him that if it was Lymphoma, we'd have to put her down as she was already classified as being in kidney failure; her organs were shutting down. This isn't something you would expect out of a healthy 3 year old black lab. A little while later, Tony called me at work to tell me that it was Lymphoma. I lost it. Totally lost it. I told my boss that I needed to go home to spend time with her before we put her down. I laid in bed with her and told her how sorry I was and told her that she needed to be good up in Heaven. The next thing I knew, I was sitting on the floor at the vet saying goodbye to my best friend. She was so excited to go for one last car ride. She laid down and went to sleep peacefully. My heart is broken. Broken, broken, broken. I miss that dog so much it hurts. Some days the reality of losing her hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel like I can't breathe. She was supposed to grow old and gray. She was supposed to love on our future babes. Instead, we had to say goodbye after only 3 years. Hands down the hardest day I've ever endured.
I'll love you forever, I'll miss you always.
Saying Hello
In 2014, while on patrol, I came across a black lab puppy on the side of the road. He was the sweetest little guy and he somehow got out of his kennel. I snapped a picture of it and sent it to my boyfriend [now husband, Tony] at the time and jokingly asked if I could bring him home. Of course I got the "Absolutely not" reply. I found the little guys home and dropped him off. When I got home that night, Tony asked me where the puppy was and told me he was just kidding with his text. So... the search began for a puppy. When I moved in, Tony already had a basset hound named Blu. After a couple of searches, I came across a Craigslist ad for black lab puppies for $100. The owner said there were a few that had deposits put down on them, but nobody ever showed up to get them so he kept their deposits and discounted the price. I was SO EXCITED to get a puppy of my own. Tony left me a note telling me to get the runt of the litter. I picked out the smallest little girl that was available and Tony ended up picking her up a few days later since I was held over at work due to a crash. When I got home, it was like love at first sight when I met Lucy. She was the cutest little puppy and I was so excited to teach her new tricks and go for walks.
 |
| Love at first sight! |
Life with a new puppy was definitely not easy, no wonder my parents always said "NO!" to getting a puppy.. haha. Lack of sleep, shredded toys, half eaten remote controls, chewed up shoes, and the list goes on. This girl stole my heart and there was nothing better than coming home to her greeting me at the door. She, of course, grew way too fast! Blu wasn't so sure about her at first, but he eventually warmed up to her and they became inseparable. From car rides to walks, swimming in the lake to playing fetch, and everything in between.. she loved it all. She was a very healthy and active dog, which made it that much more fun as a dog mama. Lucy was one of those dogs that knew when something wasn't quite right or when we were sick, she would cuddle up on the couch and not leave our sides. When I was diagnosed with PCOS (anxiety is a wonderful symptom), she had a way of keeping me calm. She was always by my side whether it was going for a walk, working on the computer, sleeping, lounging at the cabin, etc... she was ALWAYS there. Almost like a shadow. Whenever I had a crummy day, she'd somehow cheer me up when I got home. She was there when Tony proposed. She was there for birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and every other holiday. She was there when I suffered a severe concussion. She was there when I brought my wedding dress home. She was there when we got married and she was there when we got home from our honeymoon in Florida. Lucy was the keeper of my secrets and my best friend. She was more than "just a dog"... she was MY dog.
Out of Character
Since the day we brought Lucy home, she never peed in the house. Ever. She did awesome with potty training and she was smarter than the average dog, in my opinion. In January 2018, I woke up one morning and Tony told me that Lucy had peed on the floor during the night. This was definitely not like her and I wrote it off as just an accident. The next morning, same thing. After a few days in a row, I knew something wasn't right. Instantly had a terrible feeling that something very serious was wrong. Peeing on the floor was way way out of character for her. I had planned to take her to the vet during the week, but on one Saturday something told me I needed to take her in as soon as possible. I called Tony crying and told him that I knew it was something bad and that I couldn't lose her. I couldn't lose my best friend and the one thing that could calm my nerves no matter what. He assured me it would be fine and told me to take her in. I took her in and the vet said "Kudos to you and Tony. Lucy is a very healthy 3 year old. Let's do a urine test to see if it's a UTI. I'd be surprised if it was something more serious than that." A week or so went by and the doctor called to tell us her urine was concentrated, which may or may not be a bad thing. She had been drinking a lot more than usual, which could be the culprit. But then again, why was she suddenly drinking so much more? A few more days went by and one morning I noted that she had peed on the couch... twice. Now I KNEW something definitely wasn't right. I immediately called Tony and he told me he would make another vet appointment.
The Results
Tuesday, January 30... I took Lucy to the vet a second time. When Tony called, he told them that we wanted blood work and X-rays done to see what was going on. My mom happened to be at our house that day and I left work early to take Lucy in. It was a different doctor than the previous visit, but I had seen her before with Lucy so I knew we were in good hands. I opted to do the blood work and said we could move forward with other tests depending on how that looked. Lucy was calm and never left my side. I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong. I texted Tony while waiting for the blood results and told him the game plan. He told me to do whatever we needed to do in order to find answers. When the doctor came out and told me she wanted to talk to me in the consultation room, my heart sank. I had come to this vet for 3 years and had never, ever had to go in this room. She told me that the blood work was not good. Her white cell counts and platelet counts were way off. Her calcium was elevated and other counts were also off. At this point, everything was a blur. I heard her talking, but I wasn't processing it. Cancer.. infection.. bone marrow.. kidney failure. The crazy part was that as soon as she started giving me the bad news, Lucy tried jumping up to give me a hug (something that she had never done before, ever). Lucy tried to do this repeatedly as tears ran down my face. I lost it. How the hell was I suppose to say goodbye to my best friend? I called my mom in tears and she came to the vet to sit with me until Tony could get there to help me make some very tough decisions. When Tony showed up, the vet started explaining everything to him and Lucy tried giving him hugs. It was in that moment that I knew it was her way of telling us that it was okay. Almost as if Lucy knew that she was sick and that she needed to go; she needed us to know that it was okay. We opted to do imaging to see if there were any tumors or other masses. Later that night, Tony's phone rang. I remember asking "Is it bad? It's bad isn't it?" as tears rolled town my cheeks. My husband is not one to cry so when his eyes filled with tears and he managed to say "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. We'll know more tomorrow though." I grabbed Lucy, squeezed her, and repeatedly told her how sorry I was. I was sorry that I couldn't help; I was sorry that she was sick; I was sorry that I didn't catch it sooner; I was sorry that I let her down. She was always there for me and in a way, I felt like I was letting her down.
Saying Goodbye
January 31, 2018. This day makes me want to throw up whenever I think about it. The vet called Tony to tell him that they had found a mass in Lucy's chest area, they were going to send it in for further testing to determine what exactly it was. The vet told him that if it was Lymphoma, we'd have to put her down as she was already classified as being in kidney failure; her organs were shutting down. This isn't something you would expect out of a healthy 3 year old black lab. A little while later, Tony called me at work to tell me that it was Lymphoma. I lost it. Totally lost it. I told my boss that I needed to go home to spend time with her before we put her down. I laid in bed with her and told her how sorry I was and told her that she needed to be good up in Heaven. The next thing I knew, I was sitting on the floor at the vet saying goodbye to my best friend. She was so excited to go for one last car ride. She laid down and went to sleep peacefully. My heart is broken. Broken, broken, broken. I miss that dog so much it hurts. Some days the reality of losing her hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel like I can't breathe. She was supposed to grow old and gray. She was supposed to love on our future babes. Instead, we had to say goodbye after only 3 years. Hands down the hardest day I've ever endured.
I'll love you forever, I'll miss you always.
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