A Letter from the 1 in 8

To the Mom who didn’t have to Wait,

I don’t understand what it’s like. I never will. It’s a foreign concept to me. I didn't expect to be part of the 1 in 8. I was shocked when I found out.

I don’t understand having a conversation with your husband regarding the timeline of when you want to have kids and it actually going according to your plan. I once thought that is how my story would be, but almost 2 years later and I can tell you it’s not that way for everyone.

2 years. Can you imagine waiting that long? The truth is, I don’t want you to imagine. It’s painful and it’s so hard. 2 years might not seem like a long time, but some days it feels like an eternity.

I’m writing because I want you to know how many women all over the world would do anything to be in your shoes, including me. Anything? Yes, anything. Spend thousands of dollars just for testing. Spend thousands more on treatment that may or may not be successful. Inject medications in their bodies daily. It’s not uncommon for their marriage to be on the line because of the turmoil that infertility brings (if you know T & I personally, don't worry - our marriage is not on the line). I pray every night before bed for a miracle and wish upon every shooting star that I see. I know that miracles are possible and I'm impatiently waiting for ours. Yet it’s been nearly 24 months and there is still no miracle. Finances, dreams, hopes, and desires are surrendered. And after that? So many are still waiting. The reality is 1 in 8 go through infertility and even after going through emotional, physical, and mental pain, as mentioned above, many women still go without a positive test or if they do, they miscarry, which leads to more waiting.

We, the women who are part of the 1 in 8, are heartbroken. We are crushed. Our bodies are tired. Our minds are tired. Tired of it all. Tired of getting our hopes up only to be let down month after month.

To have a dream since childhood take so long is really, really hard. Especially knowing the same dream comes easy to so many. Add in not being able to leave the house without seeing the one thing dreamed of and hoped for and it’s really, really hard.

I am writing you to remind you to consider it a gift and a blessing that your story isn’t like mine. I am writing you to remind you that even on the hard days, there are millions who would trade places with you in a second. I am writing you to remind you to be thoughtful of your words and maybe instead of complaining that it took you 3 months to conceive, consider it a blessing. Or maybe instead of grieving because you got pregnant so quickly with your 2nd, consider it a blessing. Or maybe instead of asking us when we are going to have a baby every chance you get, think twice and just say a prayer.

Just like I will never understand what it’s like to get pregnant when I want, you will never understand what it’s like to wait. Our stories are different and I find peace in that. But whatever stage of motherhood you are in, please remember the moms in the making. There are women are all over the world who month after month and even year after year are told “not yet” and just like every other month, have to pick up the pieces, and hope that next month will be different. A month that will end with joy instead of heartache. A month that will end with celebration, instead of tears. A month that will end with a positive pregnancy test, instead of a period.

While I can’t say I know how hard motherhood is, I have heard. Despite the exhaustion and the messy house and the kids that are driving you crazy, please know you are doing an amazing job and it’s a job so many, including myself, dream of having. I look up to you and respect you for having the hardest job in the world and despite how hard and tiring it is, I would do anything, yes anything, to be in your shoes.

Posts like this are not easy, but they're beneficial in more ways than one. This journey of ours might just be starting, but it has already been one hell of a roller coaster ride that I don't wish upon anyone. The stress from finances, test results, negative pregnancy tests, and every day adult life can be overbearing some days. I know that we will be parents some day and when that day comes, we will be over the moon! In the meantime, we'll continue loving each other more each day as husband and wife. 

Sadly, I know that we are not the only ones on this roller coaster ride. Infertility is way more common than I ever thought and it breaks my heart to know that other couples are experiencing the same stress and heartache that we are. That's another reason why I wrote this letter... awareness. If this letter can help just one person, I've accomplished my mission. I plan on blogging more about the beginning of our journey through where we are at today. Stay tuned and in the meantime, please keep us in your prayers! :)

xoxo, Krystal