Part 7: IUI #1

**Thank you for following our journey! If you're new to the blog, check out Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5 so that you're up to speed on where we're at.

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Uffda. This whole process has been mentally draining. I've experienced every single emotion possible. I had no idea what to expect when embarking on this journey and I don't wish it upon anyone. It's devastating, unfair, and frustrating. The unknowns are unbearable. The statistics for IUI rates are slim. But... I have hope. We have hope. We are not giving up.

We decided to go through with the IUI procedure.With any procedure that's done through the Reproductive Medicine Program, everything needs to be prepaid. The cost for the IUI procedure (not including medications) came to $1,494.35 - this included the procedure and ultrasounds required for monitoring. As previously stated, MN is one of the many states that do not require insurance companies to pay for fertility treatments so that money was out-of-pocket. The anxiety I felt writing a check for $1,494.35 for a procedure that wasn't guaranteed to work was crazy. I cried, a lot.

IUI #1 

I started the Letrozole and Metformin. My first ultrasound was on March 18 and I had a second one on March 27. I was excited and extremely nervous after the ultrasound on the 27th because the nurse said "It's time for the trigger shot!" due to me having 1 follicle that was the size we needed it to be. WHAT? Holy shit. This is getting real. Wait, I have to give myself a shot? What if this doesn't work? Is this worth it with only 1 follicle? I legit went through every single what-if possible. They tell you to just relax, yeah... okay. I just paid nearly $1500, I have to give myself a shot, and oh yeah this might not work... "relax" wasn't in my vocabulary at this point. The nurse wrote down directions on how to give myself the shot and I went home. They give you very specific directions when it comes to the shot because it forces ovulation, which means you have a certain timeframe to work with. The IUI procedure was schedule for March 30 at 0700 hours.

Trigger Shot

I should add that I even bought a "IUI Got This" shirt on Etsy for good luck...

I had absolutely no idea what to expect going into the procedure. The ride to the clinic that morning was quiet. We were both nervous and anxious. My husband went in and did his part. Then it was time for me... I was so nervous I couldn't even think straight. The nurse tried to make small talk, but I wasn't having it. I just kept praying to God that it would work, over and over again. I asked God why we were in this position. Why did it come to this? Why us? The procedure took all of 2 minutes, and then I had to lay there for 10-15 minutes afterwards. 

One thing that stuck out to me after the procedure was when the nurse said "Call us as soon as you get your next period and we will do IUI #2." That was not reassuring whatosever. Shouldn't they say 'Good luck' or something encouraging? I felt like she knew this wasn't going to work, which left me feeling totally defeated. 

Medications:

- Birth Control (24 pills): $24.11 

- Letrozole (14 pills): $58.44

- Trigger Shot (1 shot): $107
- IUI Procedure: $1,494.35

- Progesterone (28): $49.09

- Estradiol: $17.86

Total out-of-pocket: $1,750.85

Two Week Wait

The two week wait is BRUTAL. I tried everything possible to keep my mind occupied. I tried not to think about what was going on. A lot of people try to test early; however, the trigger shot can give a false positive if you don't wait the full two weeks. I continued to do my daily workouts because it kept me sane. I did not do workouts that were high intensity, even though the nurse informed me that I could continue all activities as usual.

Unforgettable Day

I remember hearing my husband's fire pager go off bright and early. We did our usual "Love you, please be safe!" as he ran out the door for a structure fire. I was doing random errands around the house when I realized I could take a pregnancy test. I had zero symptoms. I was hesitant on taking a test, so I continued on with cleaning the house. My husband sent me a text that said "There were people in the house. I rode in the ambulance giving CPR to a baby. She didn't make it." My first thought "FUCK. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Fatal calls are hard. Fatal calls involving children are excruciating. I cried because I knew he would struggle with this. I knew he had seen things that nobody should ever have to see.

I took a test. I paced back and forth in that bathroom for what felt like forever and then I saw it... negative. I dropped to the floor bawling. I was pissed. Why? Why didn't this work? Why us? Why the fuck were were going through this?

Having to tell my husband that the procedure didn't work, on the same day he responded to a fatal fire, was heartbreaking. No, I didn't have to tell him on this day... but he knew something was wrong when he got home. I broke down and told him that I was so so sorry that it didn't work. I swore I did everything right and followed all directions to a T. He held me and said it was okay. "It will be okay. We can try again. It isn't over yet."

Next Steps

I hesitant about calling the nurse to tell her that it didn't work. I didn't know if I was mentally strong enough to move forward. I'll be honest, I was 100% bitter. I felt cheated. I asked my cousin, who is a Registered Nurse that had worked in an infertility clinic at one point, whether or not I could wait on doing another procedure. She said a lot of people decide to wait a cycle or two between procedures.

** Check out Part 8 of our story at IUI #2.